HOW CAN YOU HELP A CHILD HAVE CONVERSATIONS?

1. Talk about anything your child is doing or is interested in, no matter how insignificant it seems to you. Any kind of conversations are important at first. It is less important what you talk about than the fact that you both are talking back and forth for increasingly more and longer times. In daily life, we often have conversations mainly for the social connection with someone and not primarily for information or accomplishing a task. We need to allow casual conversation time for our children especially since the major task is to make them want to return for more conversations.

2. Allow actions to be part of the conversations. Conversations do not have to be continuous talking. Let actions do the talking at times. When you are playing with your child, join into the things he is doing and make words a part of the play. Occasionally, play and interact in the activity back and forth without talking. For many children, conversations are best learned as a way to supplement or help their play rather than being the major way in interacting.

3. Think of conversations as creative social play more than as conveying information. The less work we make for a child, the more he will stay in conversation. Talk with your child about anything at all allowing him to say whatever he wants. The conversation may seem unimportant or even silly to you, but the purpose is to show your child that he can have successful conversations with you without any pressure to say anything in particular. Let him know that talking back and forth is the goal, not talking in any particular way or for any purpose other than companionship.

4. Balance your conversations by taking turns. Conversations often stop when one person dominates them. Be sure that your child knows he will have time to take his turn and be equally clear with him that he needs to allow you to take your turn. For children learning to communicate, words are their most important social toys. Just as an aspiring ball player would practice throwing and catching balls many, many times; so too, children must practice exchanging words back and forth many times a day before they learn to enjoy and stay in conversations.

Try to do only as much as your child in a conversation so that he does not learn to be passive, but has sufficient practice talking. On the other hand, be sure that the child allows you to talk as much as he does. Neither person should dominate the interaction. Your child needs to practice talking and he also needs to listen and respond to your talking. Unless he does both talking and listening, he will not be accepted in society as a desirable conversation partner.

5. Keep your child on a topic. Many children get easily distracted in conversations and need to learn to stay just a little longer on a topic. This is also a very effective way to teach a child more language. Too often conversations with children are brief and fleeting. This is understandable at first, but then it is important to keep the child talking about a topic for increasingly longer turns.

6. Respond to interruptions gently but firmly. Many children learning to communicate have difficulty not saying what is on their mind even if someone else is talking. Interrupting is normal when a child is young but can be a serious problem later on. Often a simple signal like raising your hand or looking away is effective in letting the child know he will not be successful in interrupting. Occasionally you will have to simply ignore his interruption and continue talking on your turn, then signal to him when you are done. Be careful not to talk too long a time.

7. Be sure that both you and your child have the freedom to express your own ideas. Children rarely pursue conversations with partners who do not respond to their ideas. Judgments and criticism discourage children from having conversations. Convince your child that he will not fail in conversations.

8. Make conversations out of your child's instrumental contacts for help and information. Rather than just satisfying a need or answering a request, keep the child for a few turns talking about what he is immediately interested in.

9. Turn your teaching times into brief conversations. Take homework breaks with easy conversations about what he is studying. Help him talk about what he is learning.

10. Turn your normal daily activities into conversation times, for example: meal times, watching TV and videos, doing chores around the house or yard, riding in the car (turn off the radio), all care giving activities you do with the child. Make quiet affection times into easy conversations. Talk about the child's immediate activities.

The ultimate test of conversations is if the child stays and returns for more

YOUR CHILD STARTS TALKING IN "WORDLETS" NOT ADULT WORDS LIKE YOURS

Your child’s first words will not be whole words like yours. They will be pieces of words in sounds. Think of these as "WORDLETS." Every word is made up of many sounds. A word begins with only some of those sounds.

It is important to not consider "wordlets" as mistakes. They are not mistakes, but are developmental steps. They are not wrong, as they are the right way to build words.

Think of "wordlets" as your child’s own language. It sounds like a foreign language and it is in many ways. Think of it as “Eric’s” or ”Rosa's” language. And then translate that language into a word in your language. If he hugs his dog and says “goggie”, don’t tell him he is wrong. Just translate it with “doggie”. It is like responding to a Spanish-speaking child saying “perro” with “doggie."

Accept your child’s sounds as words then translate them.

Dr. Jim MacDonald

macdonaldj86@gmail.com